What’s good Twenty Eighteen?

At the end of 2017 I said to myself, you’re already making the moves Fayola, you know what your goals are, it doesn’t matter when you start them or when you achieve them as long as you’re striving towards them.

Last year my most important goal was to get a job in publishing. It was one of the few I ended up achieving. (unpacking from undergrad after…. 3 years… was also one of these things).

I set myself this challenge in January… it didn’t happen for the longest time. It wasn’t until the summer that I was actually going to interviews on the regular and actually landed an internship which eventually led to me looking experienced and comfortable enough to get hired full time at my job (which I started at the end of October).

I know what sort of things I’ll be trying to make progress on this year.

I want to complete the renovation of my room aka reclaiming my space at home, knowing that I’ll be living at home for a long while still.

I want to learn how to drive, I still can’t drive. On this year where I’ll be living for a whole quarter century, I think it’s time I actually step up, plan it and follow through.

I want to be healthier to myself. Get a better relationship with food and exercise. To be healthier with the boundaries I set and enforce with my loved ones. To be able to say “no” with my chest and not feel bad about being pliable, unavailable or too broke for something else.

I want to take time to enjoy myself, attend more events, travel more, try new hobbies until I find something that I don’t want to stop.

I want to be the best version of myself possible, but of course I want that every year.

I want to replenish my savings account, which has suffered over the few years of my unemployment.

I want to continue using the bullet journal method- because in the month that I haven’t been… my life has been a small, small mess.

I’m also going to take the time to acknowledge that even though I only achieved a few things, they were good things. And honestly, that was an achievement in and of itself.

Unicorns, Hot-flash Honeys and Biblio punishes me.

Wow, wrapping up the first week at my new job. The job that is actually like… related to my dream career, the official first working step towards that. First of all, turn up. Second of all- my log from that first week is complete and just interesting to look at? For me anyway, probably not for everyone else.

I’ve been doing daily logs since… May? When I took up bullet journalling. Something about helping with my memory and also becoming aware of just how much I am actually doing. The first week was easy, in the sense that I’m still learning and they’re all being very nice to me. Anyway, here are the stupid notes:

Day one- not a dream. am employed. have a mac?! wow, everyone is so nice. biblio is so easy (this will come back to bite me in the arse) I AM EMPLOYED! Unicorns everywhere. Tired AF.

Day two- wow, like they actually employed me? VISTA IS SO HARD? Mail outs? Deliveries? O my. Hands aching. Bookshelf rearrangement= work out for life.

Day three – so, many books! Buddy lunch? Thai food! How did I not fall asleep after lunch? Steps and shelves are my work out, whomst is a gym? Hotflash… honeys? That sounds like… something dirty. Maybe that’s not the right title for that book.

Day four – ISSA WRAP. Week the first. Dummy making for dummies aka sopping up that dummy knowledge. Biblio thinks I’m a mug and won’t connect me to the server. Lunch with sales- sour dough pizza and a raspberry/white chocolate brownie (NUT! *three drop emojis* Hello excel my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again, I get… a SCALPEL! Are they sure? BABIES FIRST SALES PACK! Shookedt.

Anyway so like, tomorrow’s another day. Feels very solid now that I’m a person with a job and I’m liking the pace that I’m learning my duties at. I feel prepared and chilled for it and making my family laugh by already planning what my first pay check is getting me (out of debt. its’ getting me out of debt.).

This won’t be a regular thing, but it feels special and I wanted to share it anyway.

when the rules of interaction change…

One of my new years resolutions was to put myself out there. I don’t know if anyone else noticed (yeah right) but I am a bit of a shy introvert prone to second-guessing myself… a lot.

So usually my social life is a little bit of a struggle. It’s an Asocial life.

But this year, I reckon I’ve at least made a step closer to calling people “friends” and actually meaning it, not just saying the word because it sounds better than “acquaintance” or “Yeah, I met them like three times IRL and now we’re Facebook friends”

So, my biggest problem is something that you’re “supposed” to outgrow in primary school (apparently… news to me). I have trouble cultivating friendships of convenience to last, I’m great when I’m in a specific situation, I have people I consider close friends, we have inside jokes in person. Outside of that…. not so much. I have in the past followed an admittedly ridiculous set of lists that I used to follow about maintaining friendships.

Honestly, these “rules” I followed because I’ve been burned by friendships, I’ve had falling-outs that were worse than break-ups. I’ve ghosted and been the ghostee. I’ve had toxic friends, and I’ve also been the toxic friend who lashes out at everyone. I’ve kind of… drifted away and became uncertain how to approach rekindling a friendship’s potential.

But that’s not to complain, baby steps. That was how I was. Now I’m improving. Got myself a solid set of friends init.

My rules have changed. Or rather, my attitude to socialising has changed and my anxiety has decreased.

  • I’m a stickler for keeping my Facebook friend list… actually full of my friends, but  that doesn’t mean I can’t interact with them on different platforms. Twitter & Snapchat are becoming my go-to for casual friendly interactions.
  • Everyone is surprisingly chill when asking for numbers, then I’m getting added to WhatsApp or DM group chats and welcomed into [situation] squad chats.
  • It’s completely fine to bring up something I’ve seen online.  THAT ICEBREAKER THOOO. Most people like when you put them onto things that remind you of them… like duh.
  • Just because I’m friends with a certain person in one situation, doesn’t mean I have to have them integrated into my central friend system. I think that’s the thing that used to make me the most anxious- wondering how all of my friends (with their varying interests and the differing environments where our friendships grew) would interact and if their perception of me would change based on meeting each other. I’ve learned to not worry, and to be wavy about it. Not every day every situation friends must meet.

It has been really nice to see myself grow and interact with people. Even though this term I stretched myself thin, I’m slightly grateful that I was forced to socialise with so many people and so often. I’ve really gained and understanding some of the things that really help me solidify positive notions of friendship.

 

It’s a bit of alright actually, this socialising thing.